You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters
- Downloads：9659
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-08-20 01:18:58
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Kate Murphy
- ISBN：1250779871
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Summary
You're Not Listening is New York Times contributor Kate Murphy's eye-opening wake-up call about the worldwide epidemic of not listening。
"If you’re like most people， you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like。 There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor。"—Adam Grant， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take
**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell， Adam Grant， Susan Cain， and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**
"An essential book for our times。"—Lori Gottlieb， New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
When was the last time you listened to someone， or someone really listened to you？
At work， we’re taught to lead the conversation。
On social media， we shape our personal narratives。
At parties， we talk over one another。 So do our politicians。
We’re not listening。
And no one is listening to us。
Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect， it seems no one is really listening or even knows how。 And it’s making us lonelier， more isolated， and less tolerant than ever before。 A listener by trade， New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here。
In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive， Murphy explains why we’re not listening， what it’s doing to us， and how we can reverse the trend。 She makes accessible the psychology， neuroscience， and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there （including a CIA agent， focus group moderator， bartender， radio producer， and top furniture salesman）。 Equal parts cultural observation， scientific exploration， and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice， You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion。 It’s time to stop talking and start listening。
"If you’re like most people， you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like。 There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor。"—Adam Grant， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take
**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell， Adam Grant， Susan Cain， and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**
"An essential book for our times。"—Lori Gottlieb， New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
When was the last time you listened to someone， or someone really listened to you？
At work， we’re taught to lead the conversation。
On social media， we shape our personal narratives。
At parties， we talk over one another。 So do our politicians。
We’re not listening。
And no one is listening to us。
Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect， it seems no one is really listening or even knows how。 And it’s making us lonelier， more isolated， and less tolerant than ever before。 A listener by trade， New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here。
In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive， Murphy explains why we’re not listening， what it’s doing to us， and how we can reverse the trend。 She makes accessible the psychology， neuroscience， and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there （including a CIA agent， focus group moderator， bartender， radio producer， and top furniture salesman）。 Equal parts cultural observation， scientific exploration， and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice， You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion。 It’s time to stop talking and start listening。
Reviews
Miettessouffle
，
Easy read with doable suggestions and practices to improve listening skills。 Rethinking the idea of intent listening and only for listening， without having a need for any verbal replies all the time。
Eir Lillegaard
，
11/10。 This book has taught me so much and I know for a fact that Im going to read it again and again and again。 So many important lessons to be learned。
Barb
，
This is a must read for those who want to build stronger relationships and improve how they understand and interact with their surroundings。 There were some familiar concepts and others that were new to me in this book。 Definitely pick this one up， even if you’re well-versed in communication。 There’s something for everyone in this book。
Emily Banta
，
This was really interesting！ Definitely makes you think about your listening skills。
Valerie
，
This was fascinating！
Brenna
，
Mostly talked about what listening wasn’t rather than what it was， but it got me through my half marathon！
Timothy Liao
，
An easy read with many thought provoking ideas。 I feel like the author doesn't offer too many direct advice on how to become a better listener， aside from being mindful of each interaction。 I found myself trying to analyze my own conversations immediately after starting the book。 I would definitely recommend this book in the new digital age where active listening is becoming more and more of a forgotten art。 An easy read with many thought provoking ideas。 I feel like the author doesn't offer too many direct advice on how to become a better listener， aside from being mindful of each interaction。 I found myself trying to analyze my own conversations immediately after starting the book。 I would definitely recommend this book in the new digital age where active listening is becoming more and more of a forgotten art。 。。。more
Bunnavath
，
Use your right ear to listen to understand the logic of the speech more Use your left ear to listen to understand the emotional feeling of the speech more
Ricardo B。 Sousa
，
Are you listening？ Do you know how to listen？ In my perspective， these questions were the crucial ones that I retrieved from the book。 The author， Kate Murphy， presented several different perspectives on listening - from the hearing up to the silence。 These perspectives put you in reflection on did you actually listen to someone in your life。 In my case， I think I am an average listener that can sometimes be to much interrogative to the persons。 Also， when colleagues or friends have problems， I Are you listening？ Do you know how to listen？ In my perspective， these questions were the crucial ones that I retrieved from the book。 The author， Kate Murphy， presented several different perspectives on listening - from the hearing up to the silence。 These perspectives put you in reflection on did you actually listen to someone in your life。 In my case， I think I am an average listener that can sometimes be to much interrogative to the persons。 Also， when colleagues or friends have problems， I tried to resolve their problems instead of first supporting my colleagues。 This reflection of how I am as a listener was obtained thanks to the different perspective， situations and experiences that different people contributed to the book。I did not gave 5 starts because I think the book could have more of the conversations that Kate had with the different contributors of the book。 There are some quotes and discussion of the conversations in the authors perspective， but I would love to “listen more” to those people。 Not that Kate Murphy did not write well or presented badly the subject， not at all。 Just that I would love to reflect more about the conversations that Kate had in addition to her spectacular discussion and reflection presented in the book。 。。。more
Miranda
，
Maybe I wasn't listening well enough but I feel like everything presented in this book was sort of a "duh" moment。 Maybe I wasn't listening well enough but I feel like everything presented in this book was sort of a "duh" moment。 。。。more
Linda Hayball
，
Some really good things to consider！
Bethany
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I think everyone should listen to this book！ It was such a great reminder！ There is at least one bad word and really she was a little one-sided on her politics but like she said it’s best to listen to both sides so I took it as a challenge to overlook！
Elizabeth Johnston
，
Interesting examples and good insight。 We don't listen enough。 I've been guilty of already thinking about what to say and interrupting rather than listening。 Interesting examples and good insight。 We don't listen enough。 I've been guilty of already thinking about what to say and interrupting rather than listening。 。。。more
Raluca
，
We don't listen to each other， not really， and it's making us miss out on interesting stories and real connections。 There。 That's the book。 Less than 300 pages long， and it hits the references and index part around page 170， and even so it was too long。 Or is this meta， and I can't / won't "listen" to a book either？ We don't listen to each other， not really， and it's making us miss out on interesting stories and real connections。 There。 That's the book。 Less than 300 pages long， and it hits the references and index part around page 170， and even so it was too long。 Or is this meta， and I can't / won't "listen" to a book either？ 。。。more
Pat Sutton
，
So much involved in listening well。
Kara of BookishBytes
，
Readable， but not particularly helpful。 I liked the second half of the book more than the first。 But it was light on how to improve listening skills。
CTEP
，
Recently， Literacy Minnesota held a training on navigating difficult conversations。 During the training， we spoke about how learners may have had difficult life experiences and how to navigate those difficult conversations。 I thought that listening was a good way to handle a difficult conversation。 In reading， “You’re Not Listening”， it has made me revaluate what I consider listening。 The book the author emphasized that you do not nearly have to have a good response， or any response。 People want Recently， Literacy Minnesota held a training on navigating difficult conversations。 During the training， we spoke about how learners may have had difficult life experiences and how to navigate those difficult conversations。 I thought that listening was a good way to handle a difficult conversation。 In reading， “You’re Not Listening”， it has made me revaluate what I consider listening。 The book the author emphasized that you do not nearly have to have a good response， or any response。 People want to be heard， and have the power to decide the scoop of what they will share。 You do not have to have a solution， just a willingness to listens and provide a safe space to share。 In my service， I plan to use these books tips to navigate difficult situations by listening and providing a safe space。 。。。more
Vi
，
I’m drinking the koolaid。
Shelbycat
，
Really interesting。 I'm going to try to be more aware of listening and not interrupting。 Really interesting。 I'm going to try to be more aware of listening and not interrupting。 。。。more
Cristian Chirnogeanu
，
It is a must
Nesya Noritasari
，
Too many quotes。 Ingin membuat pembaca mengerti dengan apa yang disampaikan dengan fakta dan hasil interview。 Tapi malah mengaburkan apa yang sebenarnya ingin disampaikan。
Lesley Nair
，
Often I ask myself， "How can I be a better listener？"。 Individuals confidently claim themselves being 'great listeners' or 'active listeners'。 Justifications range from 'being an introvert and therefore I listen well' to 'I engage in many conversations with people and therefore I know how to listen better'。 As Kate Murphy rightly says， "Listening is about the experience of being experienced"。 We tend to attach labels to ourselves through our own experiences， which can actually develop a tunnel v Often I ask myself， "How can I be a better listener？"。 Individuals confidently claim themselves being 'great listeners' or 'active listeners'。 Justifications range from 'being an introvert and therefore I listen well' to 'I engage in many conversations with people and therefore I know how to listen better'。 As Kate Murphy rightly says， "Listening is about the experience of being experienced"。 We tend to attach labels to ourselves through our own experiences， which can actually develop a tunnel vision towards our own perspective of understanding the concept of listening。 Here， You're not listening opens your mind to the state of flux that is listening。 As we trudge on this journey to understand those around us and also ourselves， we continually build upon our own version of listening。 Kate Murphy's book highlights this point， as stated in the quote above。 She offers critical pointers that is key for individuals to better their listening skills。From topics covering the neuroscience of listening， to handling distractions in this digital society， this book discusses many issues that enlighten us on ways to alter our frame of mind， with proper research involved。 From the words we say， the tone we use， and to our own body language， this book offers suggestions to improve them。 Kate Murphy rounds the book up by also underlining 'When not to listen'。 She acknowledges that everyone has a capacity and that we cannot cater to all， despite our best efforts。 This is a timely reminder for us to also communicate well with others。 Listening does not only mean to give a ear to someone。 It also means to support one another in your conversations， to be absorbed in the experience and leave it feeling grateful for having that experience。 There are many opportunities in this book for us to improve our own listening skills。 This book requires revisiting， for us to constantly remind ourselves on the importance of this simple action。 I end this review with this quote from the book “People tend to regret not listening more than listening and tend to regret things they said more than things they didn’t say。” 。。。more
Allyson
，
Fascinating book。 Listened to the audible。 Highly recommend。 I learned a lot and have been employing some of these learnings in my daily life。 Everyone should listen to this book。
Oscar Cecena
，
If you're looking into reading this book， you're already aware that we no longer listen to people （if we ever had）。I always thought of myself as a good listener， but， as with any perception we have of ourselves， I thought I was better than I actually am。So many things I do without thinking are harming the connections I build （or failed to build） with the people I care about the most。So again， if you're looking into reading this book， you should。 If you're looking into reading this book， you're already aware that we no longer listen to people （if we ever had）。I always thought of myself as a good listener， but， as with any perception we have of ourselves， I thought I was better than I actually am。So many things I do without thinking are harming the connections I build （or failed to build） with the people I care about the most。So again， if you're looking into reading this book， you should。 。。。more
Dinda Augusmiadoni
，
“Everyone is interesting if you ask the right questions。”Well， food for thought。
Jono
，
This book delivered exactly what I was looking for to learn to ask better questions （as a friend， information seeker and manager）。The combination of research and anecdotes from a professional writer and researcher gave me a wealth of ideas to explore further。“Everybody is interesting if you ask the right questions。 If someone is dull or uninteresting， it’s on you。” — Kate Murphy
Katelyn Buress
，
Really interesting insights and takeaways on why and how to work on critical listening skills！
Sunayna Agarwal
，
This book is an easy and interesting read on listening， why it is important， why we dont do it and why we as individuals and society need more of listeners than talkers。 Must read book with many take-aways。 Filled with quotes of people belonging to diverse backgrounds and professions， it is a quite interesting narrative。
Yukari Watanabe
，
4。5 starsMy Japanese review:https://youshofanclub。com/2021/08/08/。。。 4。5 starsMy Japanese review:https://youshofanclub。com/2021/08/08/。。。 。。。more
Abby Haydon
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